Number 19: Ordinary Mind

Man I have not had much time to do some nice relaxing writing, and well I have no talent in art.  I dislike reblogging things just to reblog them, maybe I’m just not fit for the modern day social media on account of my tendency to stay silent.

Sadly I am becoming a bit untethered at the moment.  My ears are becoming too acute and I cannot sleep, my eyes are beginning to ache. It is the subtle signs of madness that I hate.  I am oscillating too freely.  

Still I have followed this course too many times to be swept away by it again (tempting fate?).  However, I really should know better than to drink in this state.  A bottle of wine does my head no good.  Sadly there is little time to waste, I shall have to gain my perspective and find my footing quickly, always so much to do. I always find my way back to the path, and I am confident I always will, but right now I’m just a bit turned around. 

Once upon I time I was a child, shocking but true. When I was a child I possessed fear. I guess I possessed some level of insight too, for it seems that fear should be impossible without understanding. Tornadoes scared me. Roller coasters scared me. Death scared me. Life scared me. Time scared me. Anger scared me. Pain scared me. My own sorrow scared me. I was an unhappy child. I gave up these fears sometime, and I gave up that unhappiness too. I’m not entirely sure when I let go of fear, I think I know when I let go of unhappiness.

It was a bitter medicine that I took, and it lead me down a dark path. There were times when I wanted to go back, I even tried once. But the way was lost to me in the darkness. You see one year back in highschool I cut out my heart, and put on a mask. I insisted myself with others, and smiled when they smiled, and laughed when they laughed and offered lies to their truths, at times I became cruel. It was exhausting, and terrible. I often felt like I was about to shatter, like the whole of my being was an eggshell, a fragile facade, but I wasn’t alone.

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I currently desire to write a version of the Brothers Karamazov set in a twisted world of organic magic and engineered creatures to track down the traitorous Smerdyakov, avenge their father and clear Dmitry’s name. I have a surprising number of ideas for it.  Should I be rethink this?

sifu-kisu:

1. Be aware then let go.
2. Cultivate the good roots of non-contention.
3. Gaze through the opponent as if scanning through to a distant horizon. 
4. Guide as a gentle example.  
5. If you do not allow yourself to attach to what you feel is most their most annoying aspect then suddenly it is no longer annoying right? 
6. Emptiness & compassion. 
7. Row the boat with the flow of the river row the boat with the flow of the sea.

Sifu Kisu
The Harmonious Fist School of Northern Shaolim Swordsmanship

Perfect. Thank you. 

All of the above. Seeing it written out in simple yet incredibly deep words soothes my mind with ease. These may become mantras in my life, especially when the seas are rough.

Anger is a part of us, it wells up from within. It is therefore not sufficient to deal with anger by ignoring, delaying and restraining it. We must never run from our anger, never seek to cut it away. It is a part of us.  Just the same we must not sit back and wallow in it letting it overrun reason and wash us away to be broken in the rapids.

To deal with anger we must turn our eyes inward and come to understand it.

First we recognize it.

Then we ask where it flows from: annoyance, insecurity, frustration, or pain. What is it within ourselves that has been moved to anger.

Next we ask where it flows to, where would the anger send us.

Finally it is up to us to choose whether to follow the path wholeheartedly, not just rashly, or to turn our back to that path accepting its source but not its destination. Understand the annoyance, pain or insecurity, face it directly and let the anger be dissolved.

We should be moved to follow the first path when our anger flows from an injustice beyond us that we can move against and the second when it flows from within us.

There is no greater cure for anger than understanding.

First let me say, I love Iroh.  I enjoyed his antics, and the interaction between him and Zuko carried half the show.

I admire many things about Iroh, he’s clear headed, strong but humble, recognizes that balance should be preserved, the spirits should be honored. He is compassionate and wise.  

However, after the death of Lu Ten, he gave up.  He did not abandon merely the siege at Ba Sing Se, he stepped back from all ambition.  He let Ozai claim the the throne without challenge. He neither wanted to conquer or to defend. He didn’t want power, maybe he didn’t feel he should have, that he was worthy after failing his son. Maybe he just wanted to retire.  Either way its clear that Iroh really desired only three things: a cup of tea,  a game of paisho and to help his nephew.

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